whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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