Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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