Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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