Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
