i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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