she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
