clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
