The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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