apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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