so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
God, I missed his penis.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
