i love accidental penises.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
