Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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