There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
