peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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