I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
