im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
