You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
