I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
