I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
