just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
