She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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