You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
