i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
