I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
