Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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