i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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