You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
