Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
