It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
