my soul wont recognize me after tonight
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
