Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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