i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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