I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
