I got chris browned last night
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
