If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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