I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
