I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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