Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
