just tell him i said nine months
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
