its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
