So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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