My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
