you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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