I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
