She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
