btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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