I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
