Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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