I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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