Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
