just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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