whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
