I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
